Review of Chick Trick:
This is the first paragraph of a porn site review. Oh yeah, yeah it is. And to add to it, I'll mention that it's a critique of ChickTrick.com. That is the name that the people that own the site picked for it, so that's why it has that name...which makes sense to me. People in charge make those decisions.
Anytime I get weird like this at the beginning of a review, it usually means one thing: I'm engaging in some kind of self-styled literary acrobatics to distract myself from frustration. And after my pre-review surf (usually an enjoyable experience) of ChickTrick, that's just the lay of the land (that would be a great Porn title about the town whore or something, "The Lay Of The Land").
I'm going to bail on the the computer for about 40 minutes, leaving the lonely cursor at blink-blink without typing another thing. I need to figure something out before I continue...
I'm back. I was trying to figure out if I was just in a bad mood, or maybe that I'm just being too picky, because on the surface ChickTricks seems to be pretty comparable to a lot of other Reality sites that I've reviewed. So what is it that bugged me about it?
From the frontpage carnival-bark on, it is lacking in pleasant lay-out and design, personality is nil, and the background is kinda ugly, but... alright. We give a much greater numerical value to quality and content, and they've got a lot of content. There's hours upon hours on clips for you to watch, so what's the big problem?
The videos are all streaming, Windows Media Player stuff. Clarity is o.k., but the content is just so-so, and this is coming from someone who gets a huge kick out of the Reality Porn genre. Here's one of the faux pauxs of this site:
You can't keep the videos. You can't keep the pictures (about 7000 of them, nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah nyah!). You do the old right-click and...."COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL! YOU CAN"T HAVE WHAT YOU PAID FOR!" pops up. Fantastic. It's supposed to make us feel better because for the "same low price" you can have a VHS of last month's episodes (4 a month is the turn-out rate for the vids) "discreetly" mailed to your house. No thanks, that doesn't work for me. My CD Burner is the more discreet than the mailman, and it doesn't try to make dumb small talk like "No bills today! Ha Ha Ha Ha!". Like he doesn't say that to everybody. Geez.
It's actually a cool idea in theory, but in practice, it's postal blowfish. First of all, almost every guy I know watches DVD. Secondly, um, I'd rather just be allowed to keep the movies I pay for (something that many other sites do with no apparent detrimental effect to the business) and burn them to disc myself, you know? Maybe some people would like this, I mean, they are giving you something most sites don't, but I, for one, don't like this kind of trade-off.
And there's just too many dramatic missteps here. O.K., so it's not Shakespeare, but c'mon, guys.
I never fall for any of these scenarios, but the best places do a good job of letting you pretend that at least some of the situations might be real. A girl who, just minutes before, felt funny about giving guys with a camera a ride, finally relents to dil-defiling her pussy for DANE'S Addiction tickets. Yuk yuk yuk, DANE'S. Uh-huh. Please, don't hand us this. Just go ahead and make straight-up porn unless you're going to try and suspend our disbelief a little better. The main guy is actually pretty funny, but when he's getting saddled with some of these sucky actresses, there's not much he can do...unless he is the one picking them? Ouch.
When you combine all this with smarmy little "ha-ha we tricked her it's great! She ate my cock!" copy intros, it just rings hollow and insults the intelligence. If you wanna see a site that does a much better job of this whole kind of thing, head over and read my review of Ericsnuts.com: http://www.pornliving.com//rev/458/ericsnuts.html
Obligatory information: with your membership you get access to sister site JizzLickers.com. And a free hat.
BOTTOM LINE: Screw Tricking the Chicks, Try To Trick Us
Three-Day Trial: $4.95
One Month: $29.95
-S-
2003-03-12
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