Review of Springbreak Boobs:
It's as cold as a Wampa's nutsack outside my house right now, frozen stalagtites poised and ready to kill the mailman or any passing neighbourhood Taun-Taun. About this time every year, masses of hedonistic college kids from all across North America try to escape this very same predicament by pointing themselves south, hoping to wipe away the winter doldrums by way of poon, pot, boobs and bongs.
They usually come home with an empty wallet and a headache to go with their sunburns.
See what I'm building up to? SpringBreakBoobs.com, much like its non-electronic counterpart-the U.S. "resort" town- is generic and overpriced. Sure, there is "plenty" to do at this mass-produced Porn-glomerate. Plenty if you like seeing stuff you can see elsewhere for cheaper and side attraction "bonus" stuff like ancient, grainy-ass VHS-to-MPEG junk. It's like an outlet mall, a direct from the factory crap-a-thon.
Yes, the main features is really dumb girls getting sprayed down and cajoled by even dumber crowds. The video quality is a mixed-bag really. These are the non-save streaming type and it really depends what portal of the hundreds you pick to view to see what clarity you're gonna get. There are multi-speed selections for most, though, and I guess technically the variety is good if you term variety as getting a lot of different kinds of porn, but no exclusivity.
Same goes for the pictures. Tens of thousands of...pics with models you can see everywhere else for much much cheaper.
Exclusivity is of the upmost importance to us here at Pornliving. Small private gardens of home-grown poonani plants is what we take a shine to the most, but we generally don't outright slam on the big places as long as they have exclusive and they don't rip people off by charging people an arm and a leg. Any guesses what this place charges yet? Heh heh.
Let's do the old run-down of exactly what you get or I would be in dereliction of duty, I suppose:
Old SpringBreakBoobs has a LeasedFarm, E-i-E-i-OHHHHHHHHH ( read the "O" part as a cheesy fake moan from a washed up porn "actress"). And on this LeaseFarm they had:
More erotic stories than you can read in a year. Live feeds here, Live feeds there, here a live-feed-feed, there a live-feed-feed you can most anywhere. Amateur, pre-taped disguised as live voyeur cams, crappy old grainy-ass VHS-to-MPEG converts (always a classic), man, just everything and nothing, you know what I mean?
Do yourself a favour, find a spot away from the crowds where you can relax and enjoy yourself where there isn't a pleasure tax for being a member of the masses.
BOTTOM LINE: These Boobs Are Played And Saggin'
One Month: $39.76(!) HA! And I say...HA! again.
-S-
2003-02-27
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