twoholecrammers.com

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Pictures: Yes Bonus sites: Yes Downloads: Yes
Movies: Yes Live Shows: No Formats: wmv

Review of Two Hole Crammers:

I was reading an online news page a few month ago and I remember a Hollywood spokesman of some kind talking about how High Def TV and Movies were putting greater pressure on actors to look super humanly good. And just as I read that I could imagine Jenna Jameson sitting somewhere online reading the same thing and just thinking "Those bitches should try walking a mile in my shoes". Of course Jenna would not talk trash like that, we all know she's too classy for that, but that's what I imagined her say ;). Seriously, if the female mainstream actresses are feeling the pressure because of HD imagine how porn actresses must feel. We've always been able to explore every inch of their bodies, but now, we are also able to see every tiny skin imperfection, a hair that wasn't shaved completely away around the pussy and maybe a little clumpy mascara.

Now the question is, do we really want it all? Do we want to be able to have these "imperfections" shine right in our eyes? I'll imagine some of you are saying "yes yes god damn it and when x-ray porn comes around, count me in!", others might just be going "I like to get the full picture and I love women just the way they are so it's all good to me". There might also be a fraction of people thinking "Porn is supposed to be fantasy and give me the illusion of perfect women getting fucked, keep lying to me". I'm a little in the middle here (as I'm supposed to be I guess) and I can see both sides. Maybe I'm not gonna jump on the X-ray porn wagon, but High Def is alright by me. Sometimes I think it's absolutely fantastic for porn, but other times some women can make me wish she was just covered in body make up and shot with a blurry lens. If you are looking for blurry videos, stop right there mister and go to your local blockbuster to check out some 90's porn, because this site is 100% true High Def movies. And unlike other "HD" sites, this one is for real. If you like Double Penetration High Def porn videos?, you should at least be interested in this one.

The tech specs for the site is right in your face when you visit the tour page and I have nothing to add to it. It's right what they say when they claim to offer 1280x720 resolution videos at 4200kbps streaming bit rate. To some people this might not make much sense so let's just break it down in layman's term: It's a fucking clear picture!

The whole premise of the site is that the women get double penetraded (DP) and that's a real hardcore oldie goldie ain't it? Other than that and the HD angle, there is no other spins on the videos, it's straight up hardcore gonzo DP porn. There's no storyline, hardly any dialog at all and I think this might be because the girls are not of English speaking origin. There was a euro-girls vibe to the videos I saw but since none of the girls opened their mouth (to speak) in the movies I watched, I can't really be sure now can I?

Without any talking you can easily argue that some flavor gets lost, agreed. However I also have to defend these videos as they are really well shot. They are extra raw and in your face, bringing you real close and almost into being a part of the scene. Maybe that's an exaggeration but what I'm trying to say is that, despite missing conversations or spontaneous oral outbursts the sex is fresh and hardcore and I truly enjoyed what I saw.

All the videos are available to you as streaming or download and you can choose between the following quality levels: Low Quality (300kbps) High Quality (700kbps) DVD Quality (1500kbps) HD Quality (4200kbps). Only WMV format is available and I should note that there are no restrictions on the movies no drm or ny limitations on your download. Because of how big a file gets when it's HD I would say a download accelerator is a must and I was able to use Internet Download Manager without any problems whatsoever and I got max speeds on all my downloads.

Ok let's move away from the praises for a while and have a good neutral look at the site.

The first thing that hit me when browsing the members area was that everything was so "big". The thumbnails were big, the buttons were big and the text was big. Lately it's been in fashion to cram as many features and information into as little space as possible, this site clearly just wants everything to be easy to see. I must admit to liking this other way of browsing in general but there was also a lot of scrolling involved when going from episode to episode or even changing to the bonus sites. Once you get the hang of it though the site is pretty simple and easy to navigate.

As newly launched site, the content for this site is very low, 7 exclusive movies was all that I could find any maybe because of the low movie count, there is no "list all videos" link any where, all episode as listed below each other on the members splash page. The movie count is very low for any site as of now and I can not make any predictions as to when the site will be updated because they have chosen not to time stamp their updates at all, this is a shame and probably not a good sign.

Each update/episode comes with a complete set of high resolution still photos as well to enjoy (1280x860) and there's usually over 300 of them available per movie. These are of good quality and certainly enjoyable, but with this many pictures I think a .zip download functions screams out to be added. There is no "next picture" option so to view the pictures you have to go to the thumbnail listing, switching for the popped up browser window, and click on the one you want enlarged. Zip up the files please so we can at least download the whole thing and browse them quickly with our desktop image browser of choice.

A minor annoyance was that the video files were all named the same thing. For example if you download the HD movie for every episode, they are all named hd.wmv, minor annoyance I know but I hate to be asked if I want to overwrite all the time and I find it hard to keep track of 7 files on my hdd named hd_1....hd_7.wmv. The name of the model instead could be real nice.

The bonus sites you get access to are just as good as this one and if you dig the niches they cater to as well (they should be obvious from site names) you'll get a lot more bang for your buck. The sites included when you sign up are:
chickslovechicks.com
feetpumpers.com
sweetfreshtails.com
sizzlingsirens.com
meatmelons.com
spicymatures.com
DamesWithDicks.com (the obligatory tranny site)

The bottom line
This site delivers what it promises in the sense that you get true High Def hardcore DP porn. The only major drawbacks to be was the low movie count and that there is no update promise. Other than that I enjoyed myself here and since I also dug the niches of all the other High Def porn sites I received with my membership, this was overall a very pleasant experience for me.

Pricing
3 Day Trial - Credit Card - $1.00 rebills at $38.26 recurring every 30 days
1 Month - Credit Card - $29.74

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2007-09-12

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